Happy Birthday my love!

i love you to the moon & back

Dear Spencer,

Happy Birthday! 

It’s feels kind of weird to write to you because it’s something I rarely do. In some ways, writing my thoughts down seem more intimate and you know me — I sure love getting close to my feelings and feeling outwardly emotional. (I hate being emotional. It was like one of the first things that I was taught not to be as a kid.) So, this might come out as word vomit or might not make sense because I’m not really used to it…but I really have wanted to write something down for a while now and this seemed like a good day to do it. I also wanted to do more than just a “happy birthday, i love you.” (which I do). 

Every day, I think of you and I smile and I’m amazed that you’re here and that you’re with me. When I say I love you because you’re always here for me, it’s because I always have felt alone before you came into my life. No one else in my life ever really stays or ever really felt there for just me — except you. You’re my constant, my rock, my north star. Just knowing that you’re my shelter from the craziness of the world makes me feel a little less insane. Sometimes I feel like I’m floating away into space, but then you hug me and it’s like I’m anchored back down to Earth. I come home and you hold me and the world stops spinning and shifting and everything feels like it locks into place. I feel safe and I feel loved… and that’s all I’ve ever wanted or ask for. …now I’m crying. Great!

I want to tell you how much I really do appreciate everything you do for us. I often am scared of saying or doing the wrong thing which is why i think communicating and opening up is so hard for me…and I’m working on it and I’m really hope you understand how much your patience and support means to me. To be honest, I’m nervous about what your reaction would be to this letter because I know this is new and things are changing but I also know we’ll get through anything together.

I love you, happy birthday. Here’s to many more together!

💖 Bianca

PS: I made you a mixtape. I figured if anything, music would never fail to express my feelings.